I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Showing posts with label Noah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Noah. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

DVD Review for July 29, 2014

NOAH
Rated - PG-13
Stars: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly
Plot: Noah, with the help of alien creatures, builds a huge ship to save his family and the animals from a massive flood.
Trailer

Clint Says: Don't even bother


Director Darren Aronofsky said NOAH was the most unbiblical bible movie ever made, and he wasn't kidding. That said, there is zero need for people of faith to be upset by this movie. Basically, Aronofsky has a main character named Noah, he builds a boat and there is a flood. That is the beginning and the end of the similarities with the original story. In fact, if God sued Aronofsky for copyright infringement, He would probably lose.


It feels like Aronofsky read a children's version of the Noah story, realized he had enough material for a 15 minute film, then filled up two more hours of preaching about how humans mess up the earth and why animals are better than humans...oh, and alien-like creatures and a snake that looks like a Dodge Neon.


Russell Crowe does a fine job as Noah, but again, this is not the biblical Noah. This is a man that is just as flawed and crazy as the people dying outside the ark.


Aside from everything else this is just not a very good movie. It's slow moving, it's preachy, and the special effects are sub par for a movie of this magnitude.

A lot of people I know had to see this in theaters even though most of the reviews they read were bad. To a person, they all came out of it and said it was a horrible waste of their time and money. 



THE OTHER WOMAN
Rated - PG-13
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton
Plot: Three women are brought together by one cheating man.

Clint Says: Rent it if you have nothing better to do


This is one of those movies that is marketed as a comedy, but all of the funny stuff is put into the trailer. The actual movie is a fairly boring revenge flick with poor editing (you can see several places where the movie was over dubbed and they didn't bother to fix it), and a completely predictable plot.

This movie is entirely forgettable. In fact, this movie was so boring and forgettable that, even though I saw it in a fairly crowded theater, I only heard a few people laugh just a couple of times and during one particularly boring scene I looked around and most of the people were talking with each other, not paying attention to the movie at all. 


Friday, March 28, 2014

Movie Review for March 28, 2014

NOAH
PG-13
Stars: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins
Plot: A man is told by God to build a massive ship in order to save his family and animals from a world-destroying flood.
Trailer

Clint Says: Wait for the DVD and let somebody else rent it



Director Darren Aronofsky said NOAH was the most unbiblical bible movie ever made, and he wasn't kidding.

It feels like Aronofsky read a children's version of the Noah story, realized he had enough material for a 15 minute film, then filled up two more hours of preaching about how humans mess up the earth and why animals are better than humans.

Russell Crowe does a fine job as Noah, but again, this is not the biblical Noah. This is a man that is just as flawed and crazy as the people dying outside the ark.

Putting aside the issues bible believing people will have with this film, it's just not a very good movie. It's slow moving, it's preachy, and the special effects are sub par for a movie of this magnitude.




THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL
Rated R
Stars: Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Willem Dafoe, F. Murray Abraham, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Murray, Edward Norton
Plot: A world-class concierge trains his protege in the ways of hotel service while going on a fantastic adventure.
Trailer

Clint Says: Drop everything and go see this movie now


This may be Wes Anderson's best work yet. Ralph Fiennes is spectacular as are many of the other peculiar characters throughout the film. If forced to put this movie into a category, I'd have to call it a dark comedy, but it is much more than that.

The plot is uniquely interesting, the music is outstanding and, even though we are way too far out from the 2015 Academy Awards for Hollywood to remember this film, it wouldn't surprise me at all for this film to get an Oscar nod for cinematography. Every scene in this movie is framed like a beautiful painting.

Wes Anderson's work isn't for everyone, in fact, some of his former films I find to be a complete waste of time (FANTASTIC MR. FOX and THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS), but if you've ever enjoyed any of his quirky works, you will love your stay at THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL.

The best way I can describe this movie is that it is a cross between MONTY PYTHON and CLUE.



CESAR CHAVEZ
PG-13
Stars: Michael Pena, America Ferrera, Rosario Dawson
Plot: The biography of Cesar Chavez, a civil rights leader and labor organizer.
Trailer

Clint Says: Wait for the DVD


Growing up in California, I was very excited for this movie to hit the theaters. Just about every town in California has a street named after Cesar Chavez. It took a while, but his contribution to the Latino community finally caught the attention of Hollywood. Unfortunately, this is the only wide-release Latino-based movie scheduled for release in 2014.

I really wanted this movie to be good, and it's not bad at all, but it is very slow. I'm sure it can't be easy making an exciting movie about migrant farm workers unionizing, but this movie could have been something really special given a better screenplay.

I hope this movie does well, because I'd like to see more like it coming out of Hollywood, but the truth of the matter is, this movie will appeal to only a small portion of movie-goers and will probably fade away quickly.



BAD WORDS
Rated R
Stars: Jason Bateman, Kathryn Hahn, Rohan Chand
Plot: A 40 year old man finds a loophole in the rules of a spelling bee meant for young kids and, to the dismay of everyone, joins the competition.
Trailer

Clint Says: Wait for the DVD


Jason Bateman makes his feature directorial debut with the darkly funny BAD WORDS. While the movie isn't awful (it's actually quite good in several parts), it tries to be too many things to suit too many people. It is full of the raunchy joke style we saw from Bateman in HORRIBLE BOSSES, but it also tries to be heartwarming in the end.

This movie could be so much better if Bateman decided to choose one or the other. Basically, all you need to know about this movie is how to spell D-V-D.



SABOTAGE
Rated R
Stars: Arnold Schwarzennegger, Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard
Plot: A group of highly-trained DEA agents find themselves under attack after taking down a cartel safe house.
Trailer

Clint Says: No review yet


The studio did not put SABOTAGE out early for reviews. (Usually not a good sign). If you happen to see it, feel free to post your thoughts about it in the comments section.