I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

DVD Review for July 29, 2014

Rated - PG-13
Stars: Russell Crowe, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly
Plot: Noah, with the help of alien creatures, builds a huge ship to save his family and the animals from a massive flood.

Clint Says: Don't even bother

Director Darren Aronofsky said NOAH was the most unbiblical bible movie ever made, and he wasn't kidding. That said, there is zero need for people of faith to be upset by this movie. Basically, Aronofsky has a main character named Noah, he builds a boat and there is a flood. That is the beginning and the end of the similarities with the original story. In fact, if God sued Aronofsky for copyright infringement, He would probably lose.

It feels like Aronofsky read a children's version of the Noah story, realized he had enough material for a 15 minute film, then filled up two more hours of preaching about how humans mess up the earth and why animals are better than humans...oh, and alien-like creatures and a snake that looks like a Dodge Neon.

Russell Crowe does a fine job as Noah, but again, this is not the biblical Noah. This is a man that is just as flawed and crazy as the people dying outside the ark.

Aside from everything else this is just not a very good movie. It's slow moving, it's preachy, and the special effects are sub par for a movie of this magnitude.

A lot of people I know had to see this in theaters even though most of the reviews they read were bad. To a person, they all came out of it and said it was a horrible waste of their time and money. 

Rated - PG-13
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton
Plot: Three women are brought together by one cheating man.

Clint Says: Rent it if you have nothing better to do

This is one of those movies that is marketed as a comedy, but all of the funny stuff is put into the trailer. The actual movie is a fairly boring revenge flick with poor editing (you can see several places where the movie was over dubbed and they didn't bother to fix it), and a completely predictable plot.

This movie is entirely forgettable. In fact, this movie was so boring and forgettable that, even though I saw it in a fairly crowded theater, I only heard a few people laugh just a couple of times and during one particularly boring scene I looked around and most of the people were talking with each other, not paying attention to the movie at all. 

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