I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Monday, April 27, 2015


Rated: PG
Stars: Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins, Nicole Kidman
Plot: A young, lonely bear is discovered at Paddington Station and given a place to stay by the Brown family.

Clint Says: Buy this DVD for your elementary school kids

Technically speaking, PADDINGTON is astounding. The level of effects used to bring the bear to life and the mastery of those effects are evident in this film. That being said, the overall movie is okay at best.

The film has some beautiful set design and costumes, but it doesn't make up for the fact that the story is fairly bland and slow-moving. This is a kid's movie through and through so I know they couldn't ramp up the drama and action too much, but a little bit more would have been fine.

I fear that this movie is a bit too complicated for the under 5 audience to grasp and anyone over 10 is going to spend a good portion of the movie bored. But the elementary school crowd will really enjoy PADDINGTON.

Rated: R
Stars: Kevin Hart, Josh Gad, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting
Plot: A groom in need of a best man turns to a service that offers fake friendships...for a price.

Clint Says: Rent this movie this weekend

I was completely shocked as to how much I enjoyed this film. Kevin Hart is really funny, but he has a tendency to wear me out with his humor. However, in this film, Josh Gad balances out Hart perfectly making for a stellar comedy duo.

The story is unique and the hi-jinks will keep you laughing all the way through. And while the guffaws are aplenty, it's also a heartwarming story with enough of a deeper message to make it more than a simple bromance flick, but not so deep that it loses it's comedic edge.

This is a great flick for a night out with the guys, or a fun date. And fans of LOST, be ready to run to the bathroom as soon as the credits roll, because the very last line of the movie is going to make you laugh so hard you'll almost pee your pants.

Rated: R
Stars: Joaquin Phoenix, Katherine Waterston, Josh Brolin
Plot: A Los Angeles P.I. investigates the disappearance of a former girlfriend and her lover.

Clint Says: Wait for a free stream on Netflix

This is one of those movies where the trailer is way better than the film, and the trailer makes it look like you will be seeing an entirely different movie than you actually end up seeing.

Clocking in at just shy of 2 1/2 hours, INHERENT VICE is a slow-moving, odd, quirky and nearly useless film. While Joaquin Phoenix does an incredible job in his role, I found myself several times trying to figure out why this movie was even made. It's not terribly entertaining, it isn't a ground-breaking piece of cinematic history, and as a mystery movie it is mediocre at best.

If you are interested in seeing this film you'd be much better off just watching the very well done trailer and then spending your money on something else.

Rated: R
Stars: Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, Kristin Chenoweth
Plot: A high school teacher is stalked by one of her new students after a night that shouldn't have happened

Clint Says: Wait for a free stream on Netflix

This is one of those movies that is about an inch deep, but it's still a fun date movie. There is zero thinking required, the ending is absurdly cliche, and what little mystery there is is elementary at best. That said, there is enough suspense and chills to make it fun.

Jennifer Lopez is exactly what you have seen before in all of her other movies, not bad, not great. Ryan Guzman plays the lovable psycho well, and Kristin Chenoweth is her usual nails-on-the-chalkboard self. Why anyone casts her in anything I will never understand.

I will say that the trailer is somewhat misleading. Yes, she does sleep with one of her students, but he's also almost 20 years old. (I'm not saying what she did is right, I'm simply pointing out that the trailer makes it look like statutory rape, but it isn't.)

It's the kind of movie you'll forget you saw a couple of months from now, but you won't feel like you wasted 90 minutes of your life while watching it.

Rated: R
Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Jessica Lange, John Goodman, Brie Larson
Plot: A university professor with a gambling addiction has one week to pay back a quarter of a million dollars to loan sharks.


Clint Says: Don't even bother

THE GAMBLER is full of spectacular acting in a spectacularly bad flick. This is one of those films where I feel like I saw a completely different movie than most of the critics. I've seen many of them raving about this film, but I just don't get it.

When the film begins it dumps us in the middle of the story, which I am fine with and many time enjoy, but THE GAMBLER doesn't give us any flashbacks or back story to fill in the gaps. At no point are we shown why he has the addiction in the first place, nor do we ever see any motivation the main character has to do the things he does.

The romance feels weird and forced, John Goodman is a creeptastic, human version of Jabba The Hutt, and the editor must have been on vacation for most of the editing because there are many scenes that drag on endlessly for no reason.

This movie got so long, boring and annoying that near the end I was hoping the main character would get hit by a bus and the credits would roll. (You'll recognize the scene I'm referring to if you are unlucky enough to have to sit through this mess).

Wahlberg and Lange both give performances that are incredible to watch, unfortunately the story is total crap.

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