I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

DVD Review For May 26, 2015: SEVENTH SON and THE LOFT

Rated: PG-13
Stars: Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore, Jeff Bridges
Plot: A mystic that fights dark magic takes on a new apprentice just as the queen witch begins her return to power.

Clint Says: If you must see this, let somebody else rent it

When this was on the big screen, Julianne Moore had two films in theaters that weekend. One she deserved an Oscar for (STILL ALICE) and then there was this one. I hope she got paid a lot of money to be in this, because that is the only thing that would make it worth it.

This film lacks character development, a compelling story, and good effects. Basically, that leaves you with Jeff Bridges. And, unfortunately, his chosen speech pattern for this film is so annoying that you are desperate for him to stop talking about 5 minutes into the movie.

There are a few amazing effects and the scenery is beautiful, but that is all too little too late.

Rated: R
Stars: James Marsden, Eric Stonestreet, Wentworth Miller, Karl Urban
Plot: Five married men buy a secret loft together to have affairs, but trouble arises when they find a dead woman there.

Clint Says: Don't even bother

THE LOFT is one of those films that looks interesting based on the trailer, but the actual movie is horrible. The acting is embarrassingly bad, the dialogue is worse, and the mystery and suspense aren't even worth the effort of an eye roll.

At best, this movie feels like a long soap opera episode, but it's not even that good. The effects are so poorly done and there are so many blatant continuity errors that you can't help but notice how little the director cared about this film.

Avoid THE LOFT like you would an STD.

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