I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Movie Review for April 11, 2014

Rated PG-13
Stars: Kevin Costner, Jennifer Garner
Plot: The GM of the Cleveland Browns has a seemingly no-brainer draft pick, but he, at the risk of losing his job, has other ideas.

Clint Says: Save some money and go see a matinee

DRAFT DAY is a well-done, fast-paced film that, thankfully, is about relationships and the art of the deal rather than football. It's not nearly as good as JERRY MAGUIRE, but it's born of the same ilk.

I found myself engaged and entertained throughout the movie even though I'm not a fan of the NFL and I find the draft to be painfully boring. (I know, I'm weird). This is a plus for the film, because it will appeal to a much broader audience than just the NFL fan needing something that resembles football during the long off season.

Costner and Garner are vanilla as usual, but the action and intensity of the story keep things moving along well.

It's a good date movie because it's feel-good, you don't have to think too much and it has wide appeal.

Rated PG
Stars: Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway
Plot: Blu and his family go to the Amazon jungle to find a group of birds just like them. When they do, Blu finds himself amidst several rivals.

Clint Says: Wait for the DVD

RIO 2 is your typical sequel. It's not quite as good as the original movie in the series and the story is so thin they have to use a lot of filler. In fact, if the decision makers on this film just stuck to the story, the movie would be about 30 minutes long. Instead, there is about 60 minutes of useless, but colorful, choreographed filler.

It kind of reminded me of watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics. It's quite a spectacle, but when it's all done you quickly forget it.

There are several scenes that may be a bit too scary for the under 5 crowd and there isn't enough entertainment value for the adults, so I would suggest only seeing this move with older children, and then only if they really loved the first movie.

Rated R
Stars: Karen Gillan, Brenton Thwaits
Plot: A woman tries to overturn her brother's murder conviction by claiming a possessed mirror creates evil twins.

Clint Says: See this in theaters...if you can handle it

I was pleasantly surprised that this was a horror movie that was actually scary. It does do the usual scare tactics that most horror films use, but this film has an interesting plot and a cast that is able to carry it off in a way that isn't cheesy.

This is a great popcorn flick that will have you avoiding mirrors for a while.

Rated R
Stars: Scarlett Johansson, Paul Brannigan
Plot: An alien dressed in a skin suit seduces lonely men then destroys them.

Clint Says: Don't even bother

This may be the single dumbest movie I have ever seen. It's one of those "experimental" films (read: really bad with horrifically lame music, camerawork, acting, plot, dialogue, sound editing and direction).
This is a two-hour waste of time. If it hadn't been a press screening where they require a quote from you after the film, I would have walked out about 20 minutes in. (I've never walked out of a movie...that's how bad this is).
By 30 minutes in I was checking my watch and begging for the movie to either do something or end. And when I say "do something" I mean ANYTHING! The first several minutes of the movie are weird visuals and ridiculously long establishing shots. Then it's just Scarlett Johansson driving around, picking up lonely guys and then walking backwards in a black room while the guys get naked and sink into black ooze.
The dialogue (what little there is) is almost entirely in super-thick Scottish accents with no subtitles. Not that it matters because I didn't care at all what they were saying or doing. I just wanted everyone to die and have the credits roll.
I have seen that some film critics are calling this Johansson's "performance of her career" and "iconic". They must have seen a different movie than I did. All Johansson does in this flick is drive around, stare awkwardly at people or things for excruciatingly long moments and walk backwards away from lonely, naked guys.
I would rather watch C-SPAN for a week straight than have to endure watching this utter haggis again.


  1. UNDER THE SKIN the book is one of my favorites, but I had my doubts about how it would translate to film.

  2. I'm curious, did the book have back story and set-up? The movie did not. It might have been better if we knew what the heck was going on, and what her motivation was.