PAUL BLART: MALL COP 2 Rated: PG
Stars: Kevin James, Raini Rodriguez
Plot: Paul Blart heads to Las Vegas for a vacation, but being a security guard is a full-time job.
TrailerClint Says: Rent it if you have nothing better to do
I can't begin to tell you how excited I was for this movie to finally be released. Not because I wanted to see it, but because I've now seen the trailer about 150 times. Finally I can move on.
If you saw the original PAUL BLART MALL COP, just stop now and be happy. PBMC2 is nothing more than a rehash of the same jokes in the original film, but this movie has less heart and less drama.
There are a few very funny moments, but not enough to make it worth spending theater ticket prices to see it. On top of that, the plot is paper thin, the motivation for the bad guys is ridiculously weak, the love interest makes no sense at all, and there isn't even a decent twist to keep you guessing.
This is one of those films where the trailer is not only better than the actual movie, but you see all you need to know in the trailer.
Save your money on this one and we will all hope that the other cop comedies coming out this summer will be better than this.
THE LONGEST RIDE Rated: PG-13
Stars: Britt Robertson, Scott Eastwood, Alan Alda
Plot: A Professional Bull Rider and an art lover build a relationship with the help of love letters written from a man to his wife in the 1940s.
TrailerClint Says: Nicholas Sparks fans will love it, everyone else stay away
THE LONGEST RIDE is Nicholas Sparks at his sparkiest. Basically, if you loved SAFE HAVEN you will ooze happiness at the end of this movie. If you hated THE BEST OF ME you would be better off trying to ride a bull than watch this flick.
Nicholas Sparks's movies and books are the definition of formulaic. Personally, they have zero appeal for me. I like surprises and twists when I watch something, but I am not the target audience for his art so it doesn't really matter what I think when it comes to the plot. However, I can speak to the quality of the film.
Britt Robertson does a great job in her lead role. I'm sure we will see her getting more roles from Hollywood now. Scott Eastwood does a decent job, but really his job is to be eye candy, and at that he excels.
One of the things that drives me crazy in movies are continuity errors. This film may have one of the biggest I've ever seen. Our hero manages to drive from Nashville, TN to Winston-Salem, NC, still in his bull riding uniform, in a matter of minutes. Mr. Director, bookmark Google Maps and use it on occasion.
Then there is the bull snot scene. You did not read that wrong. A. BULL. SNOT. SCENE. Dear reader, I can not even begin to convey to you how ridiculous and disgusting the bull snot scene is. Why the director decided that it was a good idea to give us slow-motion, full-frame footage of bull snot flying through the air we may never know, but it's there for all of us to endure.
The film had several funny moments, some on purpose, most not. If you can make it through the bull-riding man/oil drum-riding woman/man and woman riding each other montage without having your own bull snot moment, you are a better person than I.
Clocking in at 2 hours 8 minutes, THE LONGEST RIDE really is just that.
THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL Rated: PG
Stars: Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Bill Nighy, Dev Patel
Plot: The hotel owner has his eye set on expansion, but a couple of new guests and his own wedding may put an end to his dreams.
TrailerClint Says: Rent it this week
Maggie Smith rules the world. That is all.
This is a very pleasant, feel-good film that will leave you feeling satisfied. There is nothing in this film that is earth-shattering or even really unique from other films of this ilk, but it is okay because the cast is what makes this film so enjoyable.
There is a moment in this movie where Maggie Smith conveys so much with a simple look that lasts for all of one second that we are all left in awe of her incredible acting ability. Her wit and snark throughout the film make for great moments of levity.
Judi Dench and Bill Nighy are simply charming together and a joy to watch.
There are times where the film does feel like it runs a bit long and there are a few moments of made up drama, but for the most part it is a well-paced and legitimate movie.
EX MACHINA Rated: R
Stars: Domhnall Gleeson, Oscar Isaac, Alicia Vikander
Plot: A young computer genius is tasked with working with an artificial intelligence being, but things don't turn out like they planned
TrailerClint Says: Rent this if you like slow-moving, but deep-thinking Sci-fi
This is one of the most intriguing, thought-provoking, and disturbing science fiction films I've seen in a long time. It is slow-paced and, of course, they go with a created artificial intelligence being that is the most beautiful woman to ever walk the planet, but aside from that it's a unique plot with great twists.
Oscar Isaac is outstanding in this film, which personally makes me very happy, because up to this point I haven't liked him in anything, but I'm a huge STAR WARS fan and he's starring in the new one. This gives me hope that he will be a good fit for that role.
Domhnall Gleeson does a fine job as well. He is a perfect fit for these brain-squeezing thrillers.
This film will make you think, cringe, squirm, and leave you dumbfounded in a good way when it's all over. It's a disturbing yet engaging film that will stick in your head for several days after you see it.
One warning: There is a lot of graphic nudity in this film.
IT FOLLOWS Rated: R
Stars: Maika Monroe, Keir Gilchrist
Plot: A girl is continuously followed by an evil being after a date goes wrong.
TrailerClint Says: Don't even bother
Imagine you sleep with someone and they give you an STD, but instead of this STD living inside your body and causing problems it is a really ticked off ghost that wants to kill you. Oh, and this angry ghost/STD hybrid can only walk, but it knows where you are and walks toward you all the time. If you can actually dumb your brain down enough to imagine that then you've basically seen IT FOLLOWS.
Horror films aren't usually known for their acting, but this flick takes bad acting to a whole new level of suck. Throw on top of that the fact that this is supposed to be a horror flick, but it isn't even remotely scary. And it's so dumb and poorly done that you can't even laugh at the stupidity of it all.
Not only is the acting and overall movie bad, but the musical score is one of the worst I've ever heard. It sounds like it was recorded on a kid's Casio synthesizer from the early 1980s.
I can easily judge how scary a movie is by how many people have their phones out in the theater and how many people go to the restroom during the movie. The more phones and the more bathroom breaks the scarier the film. I'm sure it's people trying to distract themselves from the scary. This movie? I didn't see a single phone nor did anyone leave to use the bathroom. I was surprised however that nobody just left and didn't come back.
If this movie wasn't bad enough already, the director also thought it was necessary for us to have to see some old dude's junk. I'm not spoiling anything here, believe me, that thing was spoiled a long time ago. I mean, honestly, put it away.
I can't believe I'm saying this again in another review, but it just fits too perfectly not to... Avoid this movie like you would an STD.
