FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
Rated: R
Stars: Jamie Dornan, Dakota Johnson
Plot: A young woman falls for a billionaire businessman with specific sexual desires
Trailer
Clint Says: Don't even bother
Let me preface this review by saying that my review is not based at all on the morality of the film's content. I try to review films in the most honest and objective way that I can. Whether you feel a movie meets or does not meet your own moral standards is your decision, not mine.
For those that don't know, the books were originally TWILIGHT fanfiction* written by E.L. James and posted online. Once it started to become popular, she changed the main characters' names from Edward and Bella to Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. The names may have been changed, but the fact remains that this is straight up theft of Stephenie Meyer's characters and world. If you do have to see this horrible movie, just think TWILIGHT as you watch it, you'll be shocked by all of the similarities. (Set in small town Washington, a near love triangle between Anastasia (Bella), Christian (Edward), and Jose (who looks a lot like Jacob), Christian gets together with his family and they talk baseball, etc.).
That said, this is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen. It is full of painful dialogue, lackluster acting and minimal plot. This movie would be boring if it was only an hour long, but unfortunately it clocks in at over two hours. Oh, the agony.
The character development is superficial at best. Really all we get to know is that Grey is an abusive jerk in just about every area of his life and Anastasia is barely more than prey. The rest of the cast doesn't even matter.
I saw an early screening of this film in a theater full of rabid fans of the book. Needless to say, they were all primed and ready to go before the movie began. There was a buzz and and electricity in the audience that I've only experienced at a few screenings. With almost all screenings of good/great movies the crowd typically applauds and cheers at the end and then I will hear accolades for the movie from the masses as we all walk out together. With this movie, the audience groaned at the incredibly lame ending and then proceeded to walk out in near silence.
That tells you more than my review ever could.
If you'd like to see my video review of this movie, you can click here.
*Stories written by fans of popular books using the same character and world set up by the author. Much of the time fanfiction includes an element of sexuality not seen in the original work.
MORTDECAI
Rated: R
Stars: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Ewan McGregor
Plot: A smoke-and-mirrors art dealer helps the British Government to find a stolen painting, but he may have plans of his own
Trailer
Clint Says: Rent this DVD as soon as you can
MORTDECAI is a quirky film that is an acquired taste, but if you like quirky films (think THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL) you will love this movie. It is stupidly funny, the story is interesting and the cast is incredible.
It took me about 10 minutes to get the right feel and mindset for the film, but once I did I spent the next 90 minutes laughing like a maniac and nearly choking on my popcorn.
Johnny Depp is a master of understated physical comedy and is simply a joy to watch. The rest of the cast orbits around him in a beautifully choreographed way allowing each of them to shine, but also let the story be bigger than all of them.
MORDECAI is a gem.
BLACKHAT
Rated: R
Stars: Chris Hemsworth, Viola Davis, Wei Tang
Plot: A convicted computer genius is released on the condition of helping the government catch a cyber terrorist.
Trailer
Clint Says: Rent it if you've got nothing better to do
For a high-stakes, high-tech thriller, this film is really slow. I was expecting so much more from a plot that includes cyber-terrorism, nuclear reactors and Thor.
It's an okay film, but the slow pace, the shaky camera, and the several eye-rolling why-on-earth-would-they-do-this-instead-of-that moments make for a really long two-plus hours in the theater.
I sat next to a teenage computer whiz kid for this screening and afterwards he told me he thought it was okay. He thought it was laughable (as did I) that the main character is a world-class hacker, but he only types about 30 words a minute. When your prime audience thinks the movie is "okay" your film is in trouble.
I will say one very positive thing though. There is a scene that was so shockingly unexpected that the entire audience gasped as one. I haven't experienced anything like that in an action flick for a long time. (That said, it's an eye-rolling, convenient reason why they are put in the situation for said amazing scene).
Save your DVD-buying money on this one, there's a lot better on the way.
STILL ALICE
Rated: PG-13
Stars: Julianne Moore, Alec Baldwin, Kristen Stewart
Plot: A language professor at Columbia University finds out she has Alzheimer's Disease and must learn to cope with the aftermath.
Trailer
Clint Says: Rent this DVD as soon as possible
Julianne Moore gives the performance of her career is this heartbreaking film. She perfectly captures the essence of someone losing the mind that she has spent her entire life cultivating. And while not based on a true story, this movie has the feel of what thousands of families must go through every year when one of their loved ones is diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease.
This is not an easy movie to watch, nor will it leave you anytime soon after you see it. So make sure you are mentally prepared before seeing it. However, if you do see it you will be treated to an Oscar-winning performance by Julianne Moore.
I watch crappy movies so you don't have to.
Showing posts with label Gwyneth Paltrow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gwyneth Paltrow. Show all posts
Monday, May 11, 2015
DVD Review For May 12, 2015: FIFTY SHADES OF GREY, MORTDECAI, BLACKHAT, STILL ALICE
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Movie Review For January 23, 2015
THE BOY NEXT DOOR
Rated: R
Stars: Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, Kristin Chenoweth
Plot: A high school teacher is stalked by one of her new students after a night that shouldn't have happened
Trailer
Clint Says: Save some money and see a matinee
This is one of those movies that is about an inch deep, but it's still a fun date movie. There is zero thinking required, the ending is absurdly cliche, and what little mystery there is is elementary at best. That said, there is enough suspense and chills to make it fun.
Jennifer Lopez is exactly what you have seen before in all of her other movies, not bad, not great. Ryan Guzman plays the lovable psycho well, and Kristin Chenoweth is her usual nails-on-the-chalkboard self. Why anyone casts her in anything I will never understand.
I will say that the trailer is somewhat misleading. Yes, she does sleep with one of her students, but he's also almost 20 years old. (I'm not saying what she did is right, I'm simply pointing out that the trailer makes it look like statutory rape, but it isn't.)
It's the kind of movie you'll forget you saw a couple of months from now, but you won't feel like you wasted 90 minutes of your life while watching it.
MORTDECAI
Rated: R
Stars: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Ewan McGregor
Plot: A smoke-and-mirrors art dealer helps the British Government to find a stolen painting, but he may have plans of his own
Trailer
Clint Says: Wait until after opening weekend, but see this in theaters
MORTDECAI is a quirky film that is an acquired taste, but if you like quirky films (think THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL) you will love this movie. It is stupidly funny, the story is interesting and the cast is incredible.
It took me about 10 minutes to get the right feel and mindset for the film, but once I did I spent the next 90 minutes laughing like a maniac and nearly choking on my popcorn.
Johnny Depp is a master of understated physical comedy and is simply a joy to watch. The rest of the cast orbits around him in a beautifully choreographed way allowing each of them to shine, but also let the story be bigger than all of them.
MORDECAI is a gem.
STRANGE MAGIC
Rated: PG
Stars: Evan Rachel Wood, Elijah Kelly, Kristin Chenoweth
Plot: Creatures from the magical world battle for control of a secret potion
Trailer
Clint Says: Don't even bother
Do you remember that amazing film from a few years ago, GNOMEO AND JULIET? Remember how amazing the story was, how innovative the animation was, and how awesome the music was? Well, STRANGE MAGIC is exactly like GNOMEO AND JULIET, except it is completely horrible.
The animation is truly incredible and beautifully done in this film. Unfortunately, everything else falls flat. The music is weird and forced, the story is too simple and boring, and the things that are supposed to be funny just aren't.
Save yourself the money and the anguish and go get GNOMEO AND JULIET to watch with the family this weekend. You'll be much happier for it.
Rated: R
Stars: Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, Kristin Chenoweth
Plot: A high school teacher is stalked by one of her new students after a night that shouldn't have happened
Trailer
Clint Says: Save some money and see a matinee
This is one of those movies that is about an inch deep, but it's still a fun date movie. There is zero thinking required, the ending is absurdly cliche, and what little mystery there is is elementary at best. That said, there is enough suspense and chills to make it fun.
Jennifer Lopez is exactly what you have seen before in all of her other movies, not bad, not great. Ryan Guzman plays the lovable psycho well, and Kristin Chenoweth is her usual nails-on-the-chalkboard self. Why anyone casts her in anything I will never understand.
I will say that the trailer is somewhat misleading. Yes, she does sleep with one of her students, but he's also almost 20 years old. (I'm not saying what she did is right, I'm simply pointing out that the trailer makes it look like statutory rape, but it isn't.)
It's the kind of movie you'll forget you saw a couple of months from now, but you won't feel like you wasted 90 minutes of your life while watching it.
MORTDECAI
Rated: R
Stars: Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany, Ewan McGregor
Plot: A smoke-and-mirrors art dealer helps the British Government to find a stolen painting, but he may have plans of his own
Trailer
Clint Says: Wait until after opening weekend, but see this in theaters
MORTDECAI is a quirky film that is an acquired taste, but if you like quirky films (think THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL) you will love this movie. It is stupidly funny, the story is interesting and the cast is incredible.
It took me about 10 minutes to get the right feel and mindset for the film, but once I did I spent the next 90 minutes laughing like a maniac and nearly choking on my popcorn.
Johnny Depp is a master of understated physical comedy and is simply a joy to watch. The rest of the cast orbits around him in a beautifully choreographed way allowing each of them to shine, but also let the story be bigger than all of them.
MORDECAI is a gem.
STRANGE MAGIC
Rated: PG
Stars: Evan Rachel Wood, Elijah Kelly, Kristin Chenoweth
Plot: Creatures from the magical world battle for control of a secret potion
Trailer
Clint Says: Don't even bother
Do you remember that amazing film from a few years ago, GNOMEO AND JULIET? Remember how amazing the story was, how innovative the animation was, and how awesome the music was? Well, STRANGE MAGIC is exactly like GNOMEO AND JULIET, except it is completely horrible.
The animation is truly incredible and beautifully done in this film. Unfortunately, everything else falls flat. The music is weird and forced, the story is too simple and boring, and the things that are supposed to be funny just aren't.
Save yourself the money and the anguish and go get GNOMEO AND JULIET to watch with the family this weekend. You'll be much happier for it.
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